I’m going to write a Book of Five Rings for email. Being a devote martial artist myself, I’ve read Mushashi’s text in several translations including a few targeted to businessmen. It was apparently big in the 1980′s, when Japan was the big business threat, to look into 5 Rings and The Art of War and some other tomes to garner their supposed secrets.
Anyhow, email has now become a weapon of choice in the business world. And it has all sorts of tactics for attacking and defending one’s self and projects. Here are a few entries I’m considering.
The Forward-Button Parry
When you’re buried in work you may need to make your problem someone else’s. Don’t bother reading an inbound email. Instead parry the message by forwarding it to someone else. Add ‘???’ to your text to fully impose the burden upon another.
The Confusion Cloud
When your opponent asks a question, repeat this question to a large group. CC your opponent on this message and they will suffer a thousand one-line emails in an endless and disorienting fray of responses that will distract them from further attacks upon you.
The Feigned Error
When an opponent demands results by email, do not respond. Instead, wait patiently. When they inquire again, do not respond, continue to wait. They may thusly attack many times, but you must be patient and not reply. Finally a call will come. When they ask why you’ve not replied, simply state, “I did not get your message. Our email server has been down”.Assure your opponent you are making inquiries and you will respond soon. Then repeart the feigned error tactic again as necessary.
Alternatively you can divert responsibility through ‘A stringent SPAM filter’ or ‘Blackberry error.’
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Well, I had to do it. I had to kill off an email address I’ve had since 1997 because the SPAM became so overwhelming I couldn’t handle it. Talk about a pain in the arse. I had to go back through all sorts of online accounts to update with new contact info. I had to alert friends. And no doubt, this ‘move’ will continue to annoy me for months to come as I discover through error the numerous accounts I didn’t modify in advance of this change.
