I’m going to write a Book of Five Rings for email. Being a devote martial artist myself, I’ve read Mushashi’s text in several translations including a few targeted to businessmen. It was apparently big in the 1980′s, when Japan was the big business threat, to look into 5 Rings and The Art of War and some other tomes to garner their supposed secrets.
Anyhow, email has now become a weapon of choice in the business world. And it has all sorts of tactics for attacking and defending one’s self and projects. Here are a few entries I’m considering.
The Forward-Button Parry
When you’re buried in work you may need to make your problem someone else’s. Don’t bother reading an inbound email. Instead parry the message by forwarding it to someone else. Add ‘???’ to your text to fully impose the burden upon another.
The Confusion Cloud
When your opponent asks a question, repeat this question to a large group. CC your opponent on this message and they will suffer a thousand one-line emails in an endless and disorienting fray of responses that will distract them from further attacks upon you.
The Feigned Error
When an opponent demands results by email, do not respond. Instead, wait patiently. When they inquire again, do not respond, continue to wait. They may thusly attack many times, but you must be patient and not reply. Finally a call will come. When they ask why you’ve not replied, simply state, “I did not get your message. Our email server has been down”.Assure your opponent you are making inquiries and you will respond soon. Then repeart the feigned error tactic again as necessary.
Alternatively you can divert responsibility through ‘A stringent SPAM filter’ or ‘Blackberry error.’
Sitting here, surrounded by the buzz of cell phones, pinging of emails, beeps of IMs and the frenetic tapping on keyboards, I can’t help but be grateful for the simple pleasures of summer. Like the frog that landed on my father-in-law’s leg that fascinated my daughters. They named him ‘Croissant’ – a French name of course – and the one French word Emma knew besides ‘French Toast’.
